Singled Out

I’ve finished reading Singled Out by Bella DePaulo, PhD about how singles are stereotyped, stigmatized, and ignored and still live happily ever after.

Bella DePaulo, PhD gives us a meticulously researched, rigorously rational counterpoint to the most pervasive myths about single women and single men.

I would give her book 10 stars on Amazon if I could. The reviewers on Amazon often trashed her book and I wondered why.

Why are most people in society threatened if you’re a happy, successful single woman or man who does their own thing? Why are those of us who do our own thing repeatedly attacked because we chose not to get married and have children?

I will not comment on how woman are regarded as asexual spinsters or wanton sluts if we’re not married with children. Except to say that our romantic status is no one’s business. I feel no need to justify how I live my own life to the anonymous haters on the Internet that post attacks in the comments section below news articles.

Bella DePaulo, PhD tells it like it is.

She excoriates the “get-married!” politicians who force poor women to take relationship classes when they’re collecting welfare because the politicians think marriage will lift them out of poverty. Like I wrote in here before no middle class or rich person is going to date and marry a poor woman or man. Poor people who marry each other won’t lift each other out of poverty. And their kids won’t be any better off.

The worst ongoing stereotype that the author exposes is this preening stupidity that all women are better off if they’re married. Some of the women who were forced to take the relationship classes in order to receive government benefits had been physically and emotionally abused by their child’s father.

The media does have a bias in how it reports news articles about single men and women too.

Say what you want about Condoleezza Rice I was always impressed with her extraordinary accomplishments. I think she is smart, accomplished, and anyone else would do well to aspire to have her ambition.

Yet Bella DePaulo, PhD exposes how the media focused only on the fact that Condi was perpetually single and that the dates that her friends set her up with led nowhere.

Whereas one male high-ranking government official was cheered on because he “made his own luck” and had a wife sitting next to him on the government plane. To boot he told his wife state secrets and no one thought anything ill of this.

Bella and Condi, rock on. Rock on all women and men who dare defy convention and who do our own thing.

Having kids and driving them to soccer in a mini-van is not the be all and end all of a woman’s existence.

The haters who attack happy, healthy, and successful singles are just jealous and have a lot invested in maintaining the status quo.

I say: rock on all single folk.

Cheers to doing our own thing.



2 thoughts on “Singled Out

  1. I will say I never heard the media go on about Ms. Rice’s single status. Heck, I’m not even sure I KNEW she was single (probably because I didn’t care or focus on that fact). The media focuses on ridiculous stuff. I’ve actually done both. I’ve been married. Now I’m divorced. I am a Mom. I have two lovely daughters. One who will marry soon. Love the young man she is choosing to marry. Very excited for her! She wants to marry. She wants kids one day. I could not be more proud of her! My younger daughter wants nothing, and I do mean nothing, to do with marriage or kids. She knows what she wants in life, as well, and is striving for it. I could not be more proud of her! Two daughters taking different paths in life, but taking the paths THEY chose. I am glad we live in a time where that is possible for them both. Happy for them both! As for me,……………ugh! There is that stereotype of since I was married and now divorced I MUST be lonely. The kids are grown, I NEED to get out there and meet a man! I’m not getting any younger (well, hell, I ain’t old, either!) and I need to look to my aging years and find a man! I need to get on each and every match making dating site there is! If I don’t do these things I will turn into a hermit! interesting, because even though there is all this concern for my “loneliness”, that thing you mentioned about single women getting ignored by others is also very real and very true. For all those so-called friends who worry about my “alone-ness”, very few pick up the phone and suggest going out somewhere. Just an interesting twist to their comments. Interesting blog. Sorry for my book of a response. 🙂 Oh, and if I were ever to meet a guy I want to spend time with? I doubt seriously I would ever remarry. Been on my own way too long to want to change for someone else.


  2. Hello,

    Your comment cheers me.

    I’m 50 and have not ever had the strong compelling desire to get married and have kids.
    A sad state of affairs is when a mother tells her daughter “It’s okay if you like women, I’ll still love you.” The implication is often that if you’re not hooked up with a guy you must be a lesbian.

    Ironically, this mother would rather that I’m hooked up with a woman or married to a woman, rather than remaining a spinster heterosexual.

    I’m posting right now a new blog entry about the book QuirkyAlone.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s